Man’s Best Friend

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a wile, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he was close enough, he called out, ”Excuse me, where are we?” “This is Heaven, sir,” the man answered. “Wow! Would you happen to have some water?” the man asked. Of course, sir. Come right in, and I‘ ll have some ice water brought right up.” The man gestured, and the gate began to open. “Can my friend,” gesturing toward his dog, “come in too?” the traveler asked. “I am sorry, sir but we don’t accept pets.” The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book. ”Excuse me!” he called to the man. “Do you have any water?” “Yeah, sure, there’s a pump over there, come on in.” “How about my friend here?” the traveler gestured to the dog. “There should be a bowl by the pump.” They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old- fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, than he gave some to the dog.

When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree. “What do you call this place?” the traveler asked. “This is Heaven,” he answered. “Well, that’s confusing,” the traveler said. “The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.” “Oh, you mean the place with the golden street and pearly gates?” Nope. That’s hell.” “Doesn’t it make you mad for them to use your name like that?” “No, we’re just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.”

Whole eons of love will be needed to repay the animals for their service and merits to us.

~Christian Morgenstern

The difference between friends and pets is that friends we allow into our company, pets we allow into our solitude. 

~Robert Brault

The problem with cats is that they get the same exact look whether they see a moth or an axe murderer.

~Paula Poundstone

I gave my cat a bath the other day ... they love it. He sat there, he enjoyed it, it was fun for me. The fur would stick to my tongue, but other than that...

~Steve Martin


Ever consider what pets must think of us?  I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul - chicken, pork, half a cow.  They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth! 

~Anne Tyler, The Accidental Tourist


Animals are such agreeable friends - they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms.  ~George Eliot


You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets. 

~Nora Ephron


Lots of people talk to animals.... Not very many listen, though.... That's the problem.  ~Benjamin Hoff, The Tao of Pooh


It is an important and popular fact that things are not always what they seem.  For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much - the wheel, New York, wars and so on - whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time.  But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man - for precisely the same reasons. 

~Douglas Adams, The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy


Man is rated the highest animal, at least among all animals who returned the questionnaire. 

~Robert Brault


The kind man feeds his beast before sitting down to dinner. 

~Hebrew Proverb


He doesn’t reckon his dog has human feelings, but he sure lets you know when you hurt his instincts. 

~Robert Brault


It often happens that a man is more humanely related to a cat or dog than to any human being. 

~Henry David Thoreau


Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet. 

~Colette


Most pets display so many humanlike traits and emotions it's easy to forget they're not gifted with the English language and then get snubbed when we talk to them and they don't say anything back. 

~Stephenie Geist


I believe in animal rights, and high among them is the right to the gentle stroke of a human hand. 

~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com


Be it human or animal, touch is a life-giving thing.  Has anyone ever had a stroke or a heart attack while cozied up with a pet?  I doubt it. 

~Robert Brault


I have been studying the traits and dispositions of the "lower animals" (so called) and contrasting them with the traits and dispositions of man.  I find the result humiliating to me. 

~Mark Twain, Letters from the Earth, 1907


I like pigs.  Dogs look up to us.  Cats look down on us.  Pigs treat us as equals.  ~Winston Churchill


There is in all animals a sense of duty that man condescends to call instinct.             ~Robert Brault


It is a perversely human perception that animals in their native habitat are running wild.  ~Robert Brault,


To insult someone we call him "bestial."  For deliberate cruelty and nature, "human" might be the greater insult. 

~Isaac Asimov, Isaac Asimov's Book of Science and Nature Quotations, 1988

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.

~Josh Billings

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in?  I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

~Sue Murphy

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you.
~Mary Bly

If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer.
~Alfred North Whitehead

If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can get going without pep pills,

If you can always be cheerful,

ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food everyday

and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time.

If you can overlook it when those you love

take it out on you,

If you can take criticism and blame

without resentment,

If you can ignore a friend's limited education and never correct him,

If you can resist treating a rich friend better

than an poor friend,

If you can face the world without lies and deceit,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without liquor,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

If you can say honestly

that deep in your heart you have no

prejudice against creed, colour, religion or politics,

THEN, my friend, you are almost as good as your dog.

Then, my friend, you are Almost as good as your dog,

Almost, but not quite,

Because besides not having any

of your hang-ups and vices,

He would without hesitation,

give up his life for you if need be.